Railing about Driving!

Driving these days is making me crazy. Everywhere I go the highways are lined right up to the edge, and I DO mean the edge, with K-rail. It’s nerve-racking and dangerous scooting by those concrete buttresses with only inches to spare. On top of that, what’s with all the walls? How many beautiful trees, especially northern California’s very own redwoods have bit the dust to clear way for more asphalt? The beautiful vegetation has been replaced with twenty-foot tall walls on each side of every freeway making me feel as if I’m driving through a tunnel! The only way to look is up, not that that’s a bad thing!

I truly wish I had the “big picture” of how all this mess will look in the end. For now, every time I leave town it’s a crapshoot as to which turn I will be instructed to take, how many stop signs will lie in my path, or if, indeed, my road actually has come to a dead end!

The town I live in is famous for its potholes and nothing is getting better. Driving around and through a series of cones must be easier than manipulating around deep, huge holes that grow in diameter with every rain, not that there’s been much of that, but that’s another story!

Finally, is every driver out on the highway on speed? Aggressive driving by folks in ancient Chevys, high-tech Priuses, or beat-up, Ford pickup trucks seems to be the norm. Those poor vehicles must be groaning under the pressure of the driver who simply has to be in front. It truly is a “me, me, my, my, I” world, I guess. What ever happened to slow down, check out the scenery, and give the old arteries a break? And what about parking lots? Am I imagining that the parking spaces are getting narrower and that I am being required to limp over one too many speed bumps to find an empty one? Folks in parking lots aren’t very thoughtful either. They rush into a space, screech to a halt, thrown open the car door as wide as they can, before even shutting off the engine, thinking ahead, I suppose, to what purchases must be made. I have a brand new, luxury car that already sports its first car-door ding and I’m not too happy about it! A little consideration would be nice. Am I the only person who is bugged by that?

I don’t usually write whiney blogs, but a fifteen-mile trip to Costco and back yesterday in traffic that is revving up for the holidays got me going! I walked my dogs three miles this morning, avoided being run down crossing the street, and am home now ready to watch a little football! My car and I are playing it safe!

Stuck In The Middle

Being blindsided by a situation that causes me to be stuck in the middle doesn’t feel good, and I’m wondering why. Does it mean I am weak and can’t stand up to someone who feels differently than I do? Does it mean I am diplomatic and simply don’t want to ruffle feathers more than perhaps they already are ruffled? Does it mean I am a peacemaker, a wimp, a patsy, or an appeaser? Maybe it comes down to perception on my part and perhaps it says more about the person who placed me here than it does about me. I have been here before and I don’t like it. I’m not angry, but I am saddened. My emotions have become tangled together in a tight knot. I want to cry. I’ve cried enough over the past few years to fill an ocean, though, for a reason much more significant than this, so shedding a tear is out of the question.

Sometimes I believe one can be struck unexpectedly by an incident that although unlike past events is closely enough aligned to pull up the past as though it never went away in the first place. The specific memory may not be as important as the emotion that is flamed by it. And that’s where I am now . . . feeling a bit disheartened and sad. I’ll sit with it, acknowledge it, hold it, and then let it go. I want to move on with my day creating positive ripples along the way.

Some Random Thoughts On Veterans Day

Random Thought #1: Today is Veterans Day, a day to remember all those who have served and sacrificed for our country. Most all of us have a parent, uncle, aunt, cousin, brother, sister, child, or friend who is a veteran, so when this day arrives, particular faces come to our minds. This day offers us a chance to say thank you. We have parades, speeches, and other activities to honor our veterans and then, for some folks, it’s done. Tomorrow arrives and people are apt to go about their lives ignoring the fact that freedom, indeed, is not free. Instead, big business is bombarding us with Christmas and holiday specials before we even get through Thanksgiving. It is a bit odd where priorities lie, isn’t it?

            Random Thought #2: I take the good things in my life for granted too sometimes, but I do think about our veterans more often than one day in November. I donate to several causes throughout the year. Usually I give to organizations and hospitals that are involved in cancer research. However, I also send contributions to Paralyzed Veterans of America. I have been sending them money for years. I’m not sure why I glommed on to that group to support, but I have, and I always feel good about sending a check their way several times a year.

Random Thought #3: Veterans Day makes me think of my father, my cousin, and a few friends who served in Vietnam. My dad was a veteran, serving first as an Army officer and then later re-enlisting for a career in the Air Force. Yes, I’m a military “brat”, and as such endured some painful partings when my dad was sent overseas for long periods of time. Even today, when I see soldiers departing or conversely returning into the arms of their children, I am filled with emotion that comes right back to me and lodges in my throat! I am so clear about the sorrow and distress involved in saying good-bye. Thankfully I also can appreciate the joy a child feels when he or she falls into the arms of one who has been away for much too long. So, today, I think too about the families of veterans, especially the children, who also have had to give and moreover, at times, to lose. 

To all veterans -- a heartfelt Thank you.

How Did I Get Here?

Perhaps all of us should think about it . . .

I am here at 6:30 a.m. writing as I often do about whatever comes to mind. Often a word or two, a quotation, a post, or simply a lingering statement inspires me. This morning I read this: Today I give thanks to everyone who has been a part of my life’s journey. That is a pretty powerful and altruistic assertion actually and it made me think, and of course, write.

Thinking back, I suppose I would thank my parents first for allowing me to happen in the first place. Whether I was planned or not, I have no idea, but I like to think my birth was a happy occasion. Parents influence us a great deal and mine were no exception. My mother was goodness itself: loving, selfless, kind, and understanding. My father, on the other hand, was far less tolerant, much too angry, judgmental, away too often, and yet painfully sentimental. I loved them both. I have one brother. He and I sparred and argued as many siblings do, but we adored each other nonetheless. I had only one grandparent in my life: Addie. She taught me the importance of laughter, forgiveness, and, along with my mother, to see the beauty in this world. Both of these women taught me to look at my environment closely. In regard to personal relationships, however, their advice flew right out the window. 

Because of the relationship with the father of my two sons I learned that I don’t have to settle for less and that intellect is important. A second man encouraged me to continue my education, thus the master’s degree and credentials. From him I also learned that not everyone should be trusted, to rely on my gut instincts, and to find my voice. That was invaluable. My husband today has helped me understand the complexities of life, that friendship can lead to love, and that giving in many forms is its own reward.

My sons have taught me the power of unconditional love, how to maneuver through our world more cautiously, that our control in the face of life’s hurdles and sorrows is limited, and that despite consummate loss and grief, we must move forward. I thank my sons for being incredible individuals.

I appreciate my students who have taught me much more than I ever taught them, I feel sure. From them I learned patience, tolerance, acceptance, gratitude, understanding, and love.

Finally, I thank my friends, my true friends, who have not let me down and who have seen me through the darkest hours of my life.

I am here now -- a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend, a teacher, an author, a writer, and more. I am not young, but not old yet either. Life truly is a journey. Mine has had more twists and turns than I had anticipated but it has brought me to where I am today and with that, I am satisfied.

Vote

Midterm elections are happening today . . . at least for some people. I hear lots of bitching, moaning, and groaning on both sides, blue and red, about how messed up our government is, was, or will be because of the outcome of elections. I certainly have no answers or predictions really. The media has bombarded us enough with all of that! I do have opinions, of course, but do not plan to reveal those here. However, because I do think, read, watch, and listen, I feel qualified to cast my ballot and I have done so in good conscience. I have many friends and acquaintances that, I know, will vote differently from me and although I might wish to sway them to my way of thinking, I won’t. All of us, based on our own set of values and mores, as well as experience and education, have developed a belief system of our own. What is important is to get out there and vote!

Many people have mailed in absentee ballots or voted early in some states. I’m hoping the folks who have not, will find time to make it to the polls. Will it make a difference? I’m not totally sure. What I do know is that the only, tiny bit of power I have in an election lies in filling out and mailing my own, personal ballot. I will always exercise my right to vote. I’m hoping everyone else will do so as well.

This is as political as I will ever be in this blog!

Congratulations Giants!

I admit it! I’m a Giants fan just like SO many other people in the Bay Area. What I loved about this year’s World Series win is that every single player, veteran or rookie, contributed to making it happen. Sure, Bumgarner was fantastic and deserves all the accolades, but others had spectacular plays as well, interspersed throughout the series. Torture has never been so true though, but, like thousands of others, I believed! I truly thought this team could win this thing! I wore one of my many Giants shirts every day of the playoffs, just to make sure!

My favorite comment from a player this year was from Gregor Blanco who told Amy G. that his heart was orange. How sweet and poetic. I must interject here that I am so proud of Amy G. who is Petaluma’s own special “Giant” star. I loved seeing her interviews all year and I like to say, “I knew her when . . .” She was a student in my Junior Honors English class at Casa Grande High School and was a classmate of my son, Alex. She was a great kid, from a terrific family, and liked by everybody.

Finally, I simply want to say that the win made me feel happy. It wasn’t the winning so much (although that was giant!), but it was heartwarming to see that the celebration brought so many people together, joyously together, and in this day and age, such camaraderie seems to be in short supply. The sea of shouting, laughing, hugging, and jumping fans at the San Francisco Civic Center was amazing. The celebration was something of a love fest with the fans making their adoration for “their” team so very real simply with their jubilant presence, and the players, coaches, and commentators, with obvious sincerity and gratitude, gave it right back. So, yes, yesterday’s event with all the fanfare, made me smile.

I needed to put my thoughts on paper, so here they are! Yes! Yes! Yes! Go Giants!

Here I am in the garden at AT&T Park.