Something On Patience . . .

I was thinking about patience in the middle of the night. It was another one of those nights when I didn’t sleep well and rather than relaxing, I began to think . . . not that thinking can’t be relaxing too. Such a concept is a bit of a paradox, I suppose, but it happens. Exchanging thoughts and ideas with my friends, for example, often can be very relaxing, although that is most likely because it is a bonding experience and feels comfortable.

My mother use to quote the old adage, Patience is a virtue. I wonder. I suppose in some instances it is: when waiting for an unborn child to arrive, when hoping for a sick person to feel better, when waiting for the first tomato of the summer season to ripen, or when waiting for the rain to end and give way to sunshine. Yet sometimes we simply don’t have a choice but to put our patience to the test for it can be painfully elusive or conversely can fester inside like a boil. I am reminded of times such as these: being locked in the middle of stop-and-go traffic at the Novato narrows, being left waiting at a doctor’s office for over an hour, receiving poor service at a restaurant, and most recently, observing the ridiculous bickering, defamation, and complete ineptitude of elected officials who are supposed to be the leaders of our country. In the latter instance, I am quite sure I am not alone in expressing my lack of patience. I don’t understand why these people cannot negotiate, exchange ideas, and come to some compromise. My friends and I don’t always agree, but we are respectful of each other; we don’t shred each other’s character; we listen.

I was always taught that communication did not occur unless the speaking entity was heard and, in turn, that the listener made that clear to the initiating party. Is that so difficult? It seems Congress is so locked up in self-righteous egotism that the only voices they hear are the ones spinning around in their heads and that is putting our beloved country in a precarious state. So, recently, as I have been thinking about this, I am confronted with the challenge of exercising patience. Just saying . . .

Have you ever been asked to describe yourself? In another context, I was asked to do just that. It seemed a bit egocentric to me at first and it has not been an easy task, but I tried. Here’s what I’ve concluded if you're interested, and you might want to try it for yourself!

I am actually an introvert, although most people who know me would not believe that. I have spent a lifetime of teaching, being in front of other people. I have always been vivacious, excited, giving, loving, nurturing, all of that. However, when the days have ended, I have always been happy to go home, pour a glass of wine, unwind, and enjoy the quiet. I have never regretted my decision to become an educator and I know, I know, that I have made a difference in the lives of my students. Conversely, they have made a difference in mine. They friend me on Facebook, some still call me “Mom”, and I rejoice in the fact that so many have become productive adults in this world.

So, to describe me may not be as easy as I would like it to be. I love to laugh. I love to laugh so hard I have to pee. I have a core group of friends, my Champagne Study Group that allows that to happen. Yet, I also love being alone. I love to spend time in my house all by myself listening to music or writing at my computer. I love solitary moments when I can read, pick vegetable from my garden, hike, or simply gaze at the beautiful koi that swim in the pond outside my front door. I like being by myself, and aside from a few incredible days at a San Francisco Giants baseball game among a throng of equally enthusiastic fans, I avoid crowds like the plague.

I am kind and respectful of others. I am a loving person. I have made mistakes. I have had failures and disappointments. I have had joys and success as well, many of them. I also have experienced extreme loss, as when my son, Alex, an Fire Apparatus Engineer with CAL Fire, passed away on May 24, 2013 after a nine-year battle with job-related brain cancer. I know pain.

So here I am: a mature adult woman who has so much more to give, so much more to offer, and a hell of a lot to say. I am fortunate to be able to admit that I feel good about myself. I wish the confidence I have now, I had had when I was much younger, but then, it would have changed my life and I wouldn’t be who I am now. I guess it is simply time to get on with it!

Here I am with my dog, Hallie, at Lake Tahoe on 9/29/2013.

Honoring Heroes

I haven’t blogged for a few days because I’ve been away. On the weekend of September 21^st I attended the IAFF Fallen Fire Fighter Memorial in Colorado Springs, CO. The event was an amazing production that honored 157 fire fighters who died in the line of duty in the United States and Canada last year. Among them was my son, Alex, who passed away after a nine-year battle with job-related brain cancer. Also among those honored were numerous fire fighters from New York, NY who died as a result of illnesses contracted at the base of the twin towers on 9-11. And there were many others, all heroes in my opinion. I feel certain that those of us who attended the ceremony, and there were many, will not soon forget it because it was incredibly moving and was an apt tribute to those who lost their lives as a consequence of protecting people and property while performing a job they loved. I have absolute respect for them and wanted to take the time to acknowledge all 157 brave fire fighters here on my blog spot.

The IAFF Fallen Fire Fighter Memorial in Colorado Springs, CO.
My son's name is the last one engraved on the second wall.