Life Happens

         

         (Author note: In this time of uncertainty, I must write what I feel. Bear with me.)

 

“So, life happens.” The teen’s statement, the title of her essay, though cliché as hell, struck me as profound in its simplicity. Perhaps the timing of my reading - nursing a loss and fearing the unknown - played a role.

“It does,” I responded. “It’s probably not a good idea to begin a sentence with so though,” I told my student. Always the instructor!

I didn’t tell her anything about life, however. Why would I? It certainly isn’t anything I understand. Oh, I know how I feel when I work in my garden, smelling the flowers and digging until I’m dirty; I know how I feel when I look into my dogs’ big brown eyes or watch a tiny hummingbird, its wings a blur, drawing nectar from a feeder. I know how I feel when I walk with my mate on a cool autumn morning when the air bites a little and the leaves spiral out of control right in front of me. I know how I feel when a friend checks in . . . just because. I know hugs and kisses and the toasting of wine. I know a flickering candle, a crackling fire, a kitten’s meow. I know sunshine, a breeze, and I know clouds, too . . . or do i? I’m not the first to muse this life marvel.  What I do know is clouds change right in front of us, in spite of us, and so does life. So, yes, life happens.  

            Unlike the transformation of air masses that often draw our attention, our admiration even, other life changes make us want to look away, to hide, to shutter the windows and not look out at all. “Seriously, I can’t look. I don’t want to see what happens.”

            Well, tough. If I, if we, are alive at all we must look to the future. Despite disappointment and loss that cut deeply into our souls, we must not stop determining our part in understanding that our outlooks are as important as our personal inner reflections. It’s difficult. I don’t want to! The child in me wants to run to my room and slam the door.

            But life happens. Growing older has brought countless changes in my life some good, some devastating. What has gotten me through the pain is understanding gratitude. And while it may sound sappy, I practice it every day.  I am fully aware of what I have and what I am thankful for – that I understand. Life’s contractions, however, are a different matter. I don’t enjoy being blindsided by the “stuff” of life that hurts; I am uncomfortable with the uncertainties that clearly lie ahead. I suppose I’m not alone. I know I am not. What’s true is that life gives us lemons sometimes; life doesn’t ask permission. No need to make lemonade though. We can control that option.

            Life can make us feel small; I can understand and accept that, but how we manage what lies ahead is a different matter. I have to believe humanity can right itself. We can’t give up no matter what fickle life tosses our way. We simply cannot. 

 

 

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