A Love Note to Alex                                                                                            

            Some days are not easy. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because of all the fire activity in California. Tragic though it is, you would have been in your element. Maybe it’s because Rudy, the dog you rescued, loves his new doggy pad. His big, brown eyes told me. Maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to the Foo Fighters at full volume just like you used to do. Maybe it’s because I saw your brother recently and I was reminded of the love we all shared. Maybe it’s because I walked into your empty bedroom like I’ve done a million times before and found you there, staring out of framed photos. What I wouldn’t give to see that smile again, up close and personal . . . laughter bubbling right behind. Remembering makes my heart crack . . . again and I’ve allowed myself to cry today because no one is around to see.

            The last distinguishable words you said in this life were, “Hey, Ma. It’s me, Alex. Just checking in.” It was your standard greeting every time we spoke on the phone for years. What a gift you gave me by voicing those words so clearly, one last time, before you simply could not go on any longer. I will never forget.

            So, although my morning has been difficult, I am buoyed by sweet memories of you, Alex. They keep me going forward, one step at a time, but I won’t lie. I miss you buddy, my son, my friend, and my confidant. You are never far away. My heart beats for you each day.